This book cracked me up. I have so many clippings from it and when I say read it, I mean read it. The story is really about poor Myra and her crappy life. Just when you think this poor girl is going to bury herself in the sand, something else happens. It was her friend Susie that was too funny for words. Like how she refers to her undies as “rotten cottons” I almost did pee myself.

After the bad luck streak was at an all-time high she decides to leave Philadelphia and move into her recently deceased Grandfathers house. Everything goes wrong here too. Her Ex Trent (douche from the word go) is still trying to stalk her. Her bff Susie deflects a lot of it and is there every step of the way for Myra. I loved that part of the book. Susie is married and has boys who are little demons and a husband Jeff who is adorable. Susie is on a never ending diet and gushes day after day about a new fad diet or her need to pizza and a snicker bar. There was an endless supply of Susie diet humor too. She was priceless!

Enter Dylan, the contractor, who Susie just spouts filth about day after day. she asks Myra “did you ride the drill yet?” So freakin funny. Anyways bad things happen, strange things happen, and then Dylan happens. I say no more! Book two is introduced at the end and now I am going to research and find out when it is out.

I think this is a 5* chick lit girlie girl funny book go get it & lets support out authors who need some word of mouth press!

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/colorofbeckett

Fave Quotes:

– Highlight Loc. 809-14 | Added on Wednesday, October 17, 2012, 04:08 PM

“Tucker was sick last week with the flu. I think he caught it at school or something. So I disinfected the shit out of everything and bragged about how I never get sick, and now…” Susie stops again to hack some more. “It just hit me all of a sudden, out of nowhere. And I’ve had vomiting and diarrhea to top it off. It’s been coming out both ends, at the same time. I’ve had to sit on the crapper with the trash can in my lap barfing and shitting simultaneously. And I’ve had to change my drawers like five times because I shit myself. No, I meant to say I’ve had to throw away five pairs of rotten cottons because no way in hell am I touching those putrid, shitty things. Instead of Jeff running to buy me drugs, he’s going to have to make a panty run,” Susie

– Highlight Loc. 1212-16 |
“Ew. And no water? That means no shower. You’ll have to do the old PTA,” Susie says. “Huh? What’s a PTA?” “You don’t know what a PTA is?” Susie asks, laughing. “It’s the old Pussy, Tits, and Armpits bath; you know, where you scrub your PTA.”
– Highlight Loc. 1219-22 |
“Hey, guess what? I weighed this morning and lost eight pounds. Oh yeah, yes sir,” she shouts gleefully. “Of course the only reason I lost that much is because I shit myself to death. But with those kinds of results, I’m cool with it. I need to get the shits more often. I was thinking that if I could shit myself about once a month, I’d be skinny by summer.”
– Highlight Loc. 2130-36 |
“No way am I running over to Jim’s every five minutes to use the toilet. What if I launch a scud missile over there and clog up their toilets too? Let me think. There has to be an answer,” she says as she stares off into space. A slow smile breaks out on Susie’s lips. “Okay. I’ve got it. Go grab me a strainer and a trash bag.” “What the hell?” Myra shouts. “You are not using my strainer to scoop your shit.” “Dylan, the scruffy Greek god asshole, cannot see my shit,” Susie yells back. “Now hurry up.”
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Color of Loneliness (Madeleine Beckett)
– Highlight Loc. 4872-77 |
“Wait,” Susie yells. “You need to tell him you’re a virgin.” “Why? I’m not a virgin.” “Listen, you’ve never been with a real man before. All you’ve ever been exposed to is puny peckers. You’ve only been with douche nozzle and that other guy in college. So you’ve only had like, I don’t know, Vienna sausages or something. I guarantee you that Dylan is packing a footlong all-beef wiener with bun, relish, chili, sauerkraut and all the fixin’s included under those baggy jeans of his. I saw the freakish size of that man’s hands and feet. I know what that means.”
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