locate a spleen, but I couldn’t spot a crazy-ass douche-bag if he were standing right in front of me, screaming, “I’m a cock-muppet.”Read more at location 198

My tinsel town knowledge was appallingly pathetic. I had no idea that Charlie Sheen had slept his way through a handful of my friends or that Bruce Jenner was in the process of becoming a woman. This kind of information wasn’t integral to my day-to-day life; therefore, I didn’t digest this kind of drivel . . . ever! I had no idea Kasper had an entireRead more at location 201

“Andi told me that Bradley knows everyone who’s someone over here; maybe he can introduce you to the real Prince Harry. We could at least go see the palace,” Lionel mused. “Not the prince,” I scoffed. “Harry Styles, from One Direction.” Lionel sighed andRead more at location 257

So, she wanted to argue? Well, the bitch could bring it. I was ready—I even had my CAPS LOCK ON! “So you fuck, for money? Like a prostitute?” “IRead more at location 960

Well, Fancy Dress Friday had gone to hell faster than a hooker in Skechers. All it took was one snobby secretary and a porn star with attitude.Read more at location 989

“I’ve always wondered about people with nose rings. If they take the piercing out and blow their nose, do boogers come out the hole?” “Pussycat, I really think you spend far too much time thinking.”Read more at location 1403

Bradley with the removal of his scruffies if he does wrong by you.” “His whaties?” “Jiblets.” “What’s a jiblet?” Casey huffed. “A man’s coin purse?” I shook my head wondering if Casey had taken some sort of medication with his water. “Ball bag? Nut sac?” “Ohhhhhhh,” I exclaimed with wide eyes. “Why theRead more at location 1582

Casey rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh, and the next thing we know you’ll be bouncing on sexy-scowly’s womb-broom and walking away with fresh tears on your face because he does somethingRead more at location 1623

you’re serious?” “As serious as a midget in a nudist colony, Bradley.”Read more at location 1750

“What does the gangster Al Bundy have to do with shoes?” I suddenly realized who she was talking about, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Pussycat, I think you mean Al Capone. Al Bundy was the lazy, sexist pig from the television show Married With Children.”Read more at location 2514

“Well, good evening, Mr. Emerson. You look as tense as a weight lifter with a bad case of diarrhea,” Casey practically yelled from the living room.Read more at location 3116

The two men grinned at each other. “I love you, you crazy bastard,” Lionel chuckled. “And I love you like a back alley hooker loves crack,” declared Casey.Read more at location 4074